� I can't pour sugar on this and make it sweet. � 2005-12-15 � 8:42 p.m. �
It's not that I don't... it's that it just doesn't feel like it used to. It just isn't necessairy... you're just not necessairy for me anymore.
Call it letting my wings grow... call knowing who I am - definitely... call it falling out of, falling into... falling over...
I don't care what you call it...
When I think about you and I... I think of hurt that can't be fixed. I think Jared... and pain... and drugs... and snowbanks and foaming from the mouth. I hear you promise a world... promise to quit... and I can still see tracks on your ankles... and feet.
And I think... wow... how I've come so far that this isn't me anymore... wow... I've come so far that I don't have to worry about that anymore...
I believe that you're a different man. I've seen it... and yes, I believe maybe you're right... maybe you and I are soulmates of some kind... but you're not the man I want to have a family with... you're not the man I can spend the rest of my life loving and trusting...
I can trust you with my soul, Hun... and I know that... but I can't trust you for a moment to be honest with me about the things that might hurt me in the end...
And in the end I don't know that I'll ever fully forgive you for being the catalyst to my worst times in life... I can't blame you completely... but I can still hate you for it... I can look at the scars on my bones and see your fingerprints... and hear you lie to me...
How do I forget that? How does that become need or necessity... it doesn't.
I don't lie to myself, my love... I know when it's for real... and when I've settled for less just because.
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