� The irony � 2005-12-05 � 7:36 p.m. �
Ponder of the day... I have a friend who frequently sends things to think about... sometimes I answer them, sometimes I don't.
~Have you ever been untrue to yourself? How did it end?~
Ironic to the point I don't even know where to begin...
I think it's pretty hard to lie to oneself... in that sense of untrueness.... we always know when we're taking what we think is all we can get and not what we know we deserve.... I don't think I've ever done that, but I have held on tight to parts of my life that haven't been healthy... that haven't let me flourish... knowing full well the rot I was causing inside of me.
I've been untrue to the point where I put others before me... where I would most seriously suffer, emotionally and physically, alone because I thought asking for help would cause more hurt than it was worth... I've been untrue that way, and honestly, I would do that again.
The answer to the ending is, it hasn't ended and, with the ways I've betrayed myself, it never will... But as I grew up I started to understand hedonism... and the necessity of coming first.
It's just a shame that people now have to pay for mistakes they may not have made... and wrongs against me they didn't commit.
But in the end... who matters? And who will look out for me if I don't? I guess that is the root of the hard shell sometimes seen.
A great man once taught me about balance... how much of every emotion to carry at once... which ones to show and which ones to hold. He taught me that being selfish at the right time will only lead to greatness... when having compassion might tear one down... and how sometimes being selfish is the greatest gift to give someone.... when giving into them could kill them...
The irony keeps going...
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