� broken � 2005-11-06 � 9:43 p.m. �
For the first time in ages I feel completely broken...
I guess this is the way I go... I guess this is the story of my condition... my cause, whatever that is.
I am a waiting game afterall.
Numbness is indescribable. It's not that there is no feeling either... it's actually more painful than you'd think. It's like a million tiny mice chewing through the sinue of my muscles... pulling and snapping at my veins. "Pins and needles" is a poor description... it's far more systematic than that... and I fear most times no one else can understand this. I fear too, that maybe someone does.
It is scary... everytime I have to dig into the wicker basket that holds pills I rarely use anymore, I sweat a little. What if this time I don't change... what if this time it's permanent? What if I become the statistic my lifetime of doctors all expect I'll be? Can I cope with that?
Probably. I just wouldn't want to.
Even now I can't use my left hand... the ability to has gone. My right arm aches for having to compensate and now... I hope than when I stand to walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth... I hope it make it there without falling over.
I can't complain... it's been a long time since I've dealt with this.... and if it lasts... maybe this time, they'll tell me why.
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