� 8 mm � 2005-06-12 � 12:35 p.m. �

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I had a dream of M. last night... I think it was completely symbolic, but it seemed so real... I felt so... complete. It's funny... that even in a dream he can do that to me... give me a wholly state of mind... one I have never got, and probably never will, eslewhere...

I don't chalk that up to love... I chalk that up to history.

I've changed a lot since that girl who stumbled upon him at a baseball game.... being where she shouldn't have been... He changed me a lot... gave me confidence, and through association, took it away.

I live so well without him... but the same ties I held onto for a decade, I hold onto with others.

It's my fatal flaw... my 8mm memory... and the heart that runs it.

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