� girl-boy... it's a dance I just don't get. � 2005-04-14 � 8:00 p.m. �
Maybe it was low, Davy... but I know Grants doesn't mind that I mock him, even when he's dead... I think he probably appreciates that it feels like he hasn't left me... and I know he's standing at the wall where all my buttons are... and he's pushing them all randomly just for kicks. You can't tell me he isn't... either... and I can't honestly say I don't deserve it.
The other night my friend and I had a long talk about the politics of the girl-boy friendship. I'm familiar with this... very familiar as most of my friendships are just that... platonic girl-boy love. I'm comfortable when I know I have my boys watching my back. I'm safe with them...
Slowly my army is shrinking as they all find girls to love better. And, that's fine... but I guess what I don't understand is why the friendship has to change. Why we have to love each other less... or tell each other less often that we do. No matter how many boyfriends I've had in my time, I always tell my friends I love them - penis or no penis. It's always the last things I say... not because the words are easy, but because they are true. And it won't change come hell or high water... come boyfriend, husband or child.
But the boys I keep in close company... when they find a love different and greater than this, they seem to find it hard to hold onto to both... find it hard to find the words to validate it... I suppose that's ok, nevertheless dumb.
This friend confessed to me, though, many years ago he lost his family to my saying "love you"... as ridiculous as this is, his girlfriend found emails to which I signed "Love you lots, A." Well yeah, anyone who knows me, knows that's how I sign my emails... and she probably chose to ignore the fact that I LIKELY sent the email she was reading to 65 of my clostest friends.... but, she freaked on him, and threw him out... never to see his children... blah, blah, blah...
He never told me because he didn't want me to feel like I broke up his family. But he couldn't keep it from me any longer because the secret hurt, so three years later he tells me. Yeah, I feel bad... and I'm sorry... I'm always hard on him for not being a "be-there-for-your-kids-father" when essentially is it wasn't for me, this would never be a problem...
He tells me it doesn't matter... that he and I will never change because of a girl. We are who we are and his girlfriends are separate to that. He says I saved him from a life of craziness...
She wouldn't trust him when he'd end our conversations with "Love you" and he wouldn't stop saying it...
As bad as I feel about being a catalyst, I feel honoured that I have friends like that...
I told him if it was ever and issue again we could just code it... lol..
"No codes. You're my sister... my superstar... and I love you. Nothing else will do."
I agree... nothing else would ever do.
I only wish everyone would feel that way.
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