� Wounded � 2003-11-27 � 7:19 p.m. �
What can I say... but I know you're strong. And I am not really ready to let you go just yet.
I know in the dance that was us there were steps I missed... moves I made I shouldn't have... but being graceful was never my thing... not as a kid anyway. I know I was hard when I should have been gentle... I know I made life rough when you all you wanted was to be sorry.
I know you are sorry. And I know that you love me.
I can't repent for my selfishness.
I was 18. I didn't know anything.
I definitely didn't know how to make life worth living... with or without you beside me.
I shouldn't have kept things from you... and it's a habit I am trying to break. It ruins me.
When I close my eyes I can see you... wild-eyed and wanting me to shut up for a moment... to look at at each other in silence for a second... the way you always wanted to. I can sense that you don't want to hear this... and I can hear you shush me.... so real. Like we were in the same room... and not a world away.
Distance pains me.... if I was there or you were here... our past aside I would be beside your bed for every shallow breath you took. I would be your eyes and ears and lungs if you needed it... I wouldn't leave.
But I am powerless....
In this time of dying... I am crying inside out.
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �