� graves. � 2003-09-21 � 4:09 p.m. �
I have nothing here but dirt... spit... anger. I have ntohing to remind me of the sunkissed blonde I was as a child.
I hate when I am ok with how life is and you pull me up from the gutter and bleed on me.
Yes. I have lived fucking hard. YES I know things you won't ever. I don't like it. Goddamn, I don't like it.
Do you know what it's like to look down at scars I didn't cause? To hurt and think... Yeah man, that was the time I was pushed into a concrete wall... or held down in the snow until I was too cold to move anymore...
Or when the pastiness of my mouth reminds me of the foam around his lips as he sat almost dead in my arms...
ARE THOSE the things you want to know and hear? For fuck's sake...
Do you want to know that someone offered me a line last night and for a brief moment... between the drink I was finishing in one hand and the drink I was starting in the other it seemed like a good idea... and I thought... Hmmm... finally... I might fall into the place I was born. Smacked.
I sat in the noise of the people I work with... and I breifly went over my life.
I have lived fucking hard.... and I have come very far.
I know when to talk and when not to... when to fall and when to compromise.
When will you learn I know what is best... always... and that I am a step ahead and an ounce more malicious.
Don't doubt me... don't shred my integrity.
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