� I must. � 2003-06-10 � 10:11 p.m. �
I must...
I must thank you for loving me... unconditionally... trial after trial...
I must learn to live beyond what has happened and try to make the best of what is happening.... cease the moment instead of the day.
I must see myself the way Grant sees me... wholly... and golden despite my hardships... my cracks and impurities... all he taught me isn't lost it's just hiding... and it's allowed to.
I must be more Zen... I must think more Zen-like. I must blow it away... somehow... whatever it takes. I must rid myself of the notion of self... of I... I must take care of the body as it is the only temple I will ever know...
I must... but I can't because I lost understanding that somewhere between you and this.
I am lost in years that don't consist of it.
My memory pursues me... however intangible the past is... it's a chaotic reminder of my maker.
I know all I must do... but I have... for all intents and purposes... given up.
Disappointing you... disappoints me.
I am truly, and deeply sorry.
� previous � next � comments � diaryland � old �