� Bloody Sunday � 2003-06-08 � 5:22 p.m. �
And when it doesn't get easier it only gets harder... as if that was even possible.
I think (and I say think for a lack of medical degree, but I'd bet my bottom dollar) I have bursitis in my left hip. Happy happy joy JOY!
I won't even begin to explain it... no one cares.
So I was walking to London Drugs today and a couple of guys my age were sitting at a table just outside... I was close enough to hear them and one made a comment about me being 'hot' and another says "Yeah but she's no good, she has trouble walking..."
It took me for a moment... and I am always smug in ignorance no matter how it might blow at me... as I passsed them I mentioned that I may have problems walking... but I have NO trouble hearing. I am sure he felt like and ass, as he should... when the guys around him grinned ear to ear in shock...
It hit me though... in saddness... and I know today, with a killing hip, it might be the exception, but is that how people see me when I am walking... toward them... away from them... that I am a girl... pretty enough but no good because I don't walk as they think a person should.
It's almost choking... especially as an adult. As a kid, kids are dumb and cruel and as a kid you're resilient because of your own ignorance... As an adult, it means something... something more.... when it should be mean less - networks are strong and thick and people do love me regardless... somehow in the moment that doesn't matter.
It brought me down today.... made me feel smaller than I am already... it made the rest of the day harder to cope with.
I have expensive shoes to return and presents to buy and this afternoon I just couldn't be bothered to move... I am sloth-like... and sheepish... and I am so close to quitting this fight.
I am only as pretty as I walk.
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