at first glance... sin 2002-12-19 8:36 p.m.


I saw a guy that looked like him today.... and my heart fell from my chest to my boots...

The air was thick and hot and my brain started to spin beyond control... I took a breath, closed my eyes... and swallowed.... praying to whatever was listening that he'd be gone when I looked up again.

He wasn't gone, but it was clear then, it wasn't him...

And I know it seems crazy... I am in Alberta and he's apparently in Montr�al... but I thought he was behind me when I lived in Toronto, and I ran into him more then once there...

I guess I think he'd go to all lengths to haunt me... It could be my new found fever talking.... my aching head... my body run dry...

It could be that my past has been slashed by his knife and everytime I think he's gone he does something to remind me he's not... sits with my best friend on the metro ... cuz he knows she'll tell me... has six guys kick the shit out of Nate in the name of a favour or breaking in new boots... sweet revenge I had nothing to do with...

Maybe it's time to stop looking over my shoulder expecting him to be there... time to not feel the blade in my gut when someone says he asked about me... "it seemed he really cares"... Yeah, I am sure he does...

His five years are up... he can breathe easy... even if I decided to talk about it, now... I have no proof... no kit... nothing to tie me to him.

Nothing but these words... these eyes... these lips...


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