� Final thoughts.... � 2002-11-08 � 11:37 p.m. �
I found it within myself to call Nate tonight, only in fear of hearing his voice and breaking down yet again, I called when I knew he was at the funeral home.
And even leaving a message I choked....
"Nate, it's Amanda - I love you."
My reaction to his tragedy can't really be explained unless you know him and I and you know our relationship - and all he is to me... and without doubt, always will be.
My heart is broken... completely... because Nate's heart is... and my own brother's heart is.... because their happiness means the world to me... because the pain they feel would be my pain if either of them died so tragically.
Thinking of them this week as been so exhausting it's knocked the wind out of me... I can do nothing but be a million miles away from where I need to be and cry.... I am alone in my sorrow here...
Tomorrow she will be laid to rest finally and closure will begin... We'll remember her not for her beauty but for her soul... for her energy
Maybe soon we will all settle back to the reality that without death there wouldn't be a need to live.
Missing you Lacey, will never hurt less...
Rest well in Love and Peace.
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