� A long week... a simple end. � 2002-04-29 � 8:43 p.m. �
I learned a lot last week... and a lot in two short days where I did pretty much nothing... but think about the weeks before.
People will disappoint you... you can't fight that... and it will always get you down... no matter how hard you play the charade.
People you gave to... won't care when they meet their end. Hedonism rules over sensitivity... over kindness... It stands above anything you thought any parent would teach a child. Or maybe some parents don't teach at all.
And still... even when things are not as they should be, kindness finds you in small ways. Hearing of a baby's birth... of friend's being pregnant... starting new lives and whole families.
Tiny tokens from memories past find you... and you can sigh in a relief that you are ok.... you have changed... yet you're still the same.
Small words to remind you that you are loved... and cherished... That your body, mind and voice are all missed... immensely... beyond any comprehension words could speak...
You feel that with things friends say... a longing to be near you and share with you again... It's obvious by the way your lover pulls you onto his lap... and holds you there for a minute... if that minute could be your last, you'd die happy.... and carefree.
You sense your place when your mother speaks... sharing her life with you like you were next to her even when you didn't exist... you are her best friend... and you know that will never change.
And you forget then, for that while that better days have been... you forget about those who twist reality to their benefit... you forget about catty words... and juvenile minds... you forget about the likes of those not worth liking... until they visit you again... when it's convenient for them.
And then you can roll your eyes in disbelief... can shutter in their audacity... and somehow you manage to break a smile... accept an apology and offer your hand...
Even if they disappoint you, you need them in the end.
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