I've had a hard day today... a fall from a pretty long high... I've tried to map the things that make me this way... that create my pain... and I have used all my energy standing and living half the day... it feels I don't have room to think.

I need those small threads of sanity I still have... all those who love me unconditionally... My parents... my Auntie... I can cry to her any day... she's always there to listen and love me...

Blair... without him I would have been sockless and crying forever... and I would have never made it to work... not even for the last four hours...

I never say thank you loud enough... Sickness... pain.. the whole thing gets me down.

I get miserable... I get drawn... I get caught up in what's not right... i forget what is....